Sometimes, I feel so full of empty things, filled to the brim with the sights and sounds and distractions of society, filling the corners of life with so many granules of doing and being and experiencing.


The human mind, when prolongedly fixated on the self will begin to distort and misrepresent the mirrored image. For the human mind is not naturally inclined to idle. If left unchallenged by complex stimulation from without, the kind which forces novel evolutions of thought, the mind will create foes in disillusion and self-doubt to contend with. Such terrible foes engage the mind, and more precisely the ego, in a pitched battle, one that cannot end but in a pyrrhic victory at best.

For engaging the mind in a battle of force can end only in two ways:

The Victor

If emerging in apparent victory, with a superficial dominion of the mind, one might exhibit the hallmark indicators of worldly fortune: wealth, agency, and power. To all the world the victory is clear, but the festering wounds and incurable sickness of fear lingers on. A fear that the pitiless demons of self-doubt, loss, and catastrophe might someday overpower this super being, causing the ruin of everything the indomitable spirit has forged by sheer force of will. Similarly cynical, such a mind will contend that those that have failed to achieve comparable levels of worldly success, however slight this mind’s own success, was due to the other’s weakness losing to naturally antagonistic force of chaos and despair that loom ever over the human existence.

His eyes scanned the list on the desk before him, seeing a sensitive topic and wondering if the other participants saw it too.  He glanced at them one by one, trying to tell from their expression if they too had seen it.  Satisfied they hadn’t, he returned to speaking but kept the list covered with another sheet of paper.  He became self-conscious of the way he covered the sheet and thought he noticed a displeased glance at the sheet with a questioning expression.
His eyes widened in fear.